To The Captain, I Salute You
by Anime Psychologist
Summary: After a devastating accident, Tessa feels inadequate in fulfilling her duties as Captain. However, after finding a letter addressing her, she is determined in who finding out who wrote it and more importantly why?
1. Chapter 1

DEAR LORD, HOW LONG AS IT BEEN!! I missed you all. No joke, this chapter was uploaded minutes after the start of the New Year 2010. Hopefully it won't be long until I finish the rest of the story and it won't be on hiatus. It's been something I've been keeping in my head until I could not hold it in anymore. Anyways, this is something out of my normal comfort zone so please bear with me.

I appreciate it you reading it you reading it and I hope you enjoy Chapter 1 of this story. Enjoy!!

PS: That first paragraph was all me baby...

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"_Teletha Tessarosa is probably the best thing that's ever happened to this organization. And you can forget about her being an exceptional officer. Because the fact of the matter is...she's an exceptional person._

_Time and again she faced challenges and triumphs as well as the consequences and rewards that came along with it. She will always put her best in every mission yet still have the time to care about her fellow comrades. You can even go as far as she treats her crew as her own family._

_A kind, annoying-at-times, goal driven, compassionate, smart...Teletha...Tessa..._

_She's a one-of-a-kind kid." _

Entering a darkened room, a platinum/silver hair and gray eyed girl walked in. Teletha "Tessa" Tessarosa, Captain of the Tuatha De Danaan and Captain of the fleet. Wearing a beige uniform, revealing captain stripes on each shoulder, followed by a short skirt of the same colour, she sighed and wondered whether or not she was entitled in wearing that same uniform. With the hundreds of things she needed to do today, there was one thing in her mind that stuck on the back burner.

"_I should have known. It was my fault. If I..."_

Carrying a laptop case with her, she grabbed the door handle and closed it gently. The room, with its carefully placed forage and a bright brown mahogany desk at its centre, invited her to sit on the soft, red, swivel chair_. _A picture of an unnamed ship sailing through the waves, it had most admirers wondering of a simpler time. As she sat down and opened her computer bag, she noticed a big, brown envelope with a small hump on it.

"_What is it?"_ She asked herself. She wasn't expecting any reports early in the day.

As she opened the envelope, there was a small jewel case. She opened the case and it revealed to be a small bronze cross. The swords at the bottom crossed together under a Caesar wreath. There was more...a letter:

_When I first heard of the name "Teletha Tessarosa", that name did not mean a thing to me. Looking back at this, I know I was wrong._

_At first, after finding out who you are, I was concerned about a child being in charge of a massive fleet. I thought that Mithril Intelligence made a huge error in judgement in assigning an important appointment to someone like you. But after asking around the base, I've found out how dedicated and compassionate you are to both your comrades and your actual duties as well as your previous missions and how it shaped you in both as a Captain and as a person. You understand your job very well and I'm sure that it wasn't easy as I'm sure you found out during the initial shakedown of your own ship._

_It was unfortunate that we didn't have the chance to meet face-to-face. I figured that I would be long gone before you returned from your current mission. Captain, your courage and determination has earned my respect and admiration from both me and my men. I am sorry for having doubted you and your abilities. As such, I find myself giving you this medal. It symbolizes performing selfless actions, bravery, and willpower to hurdle any obstacle. You're more deserving than I am of this. _

_You are a remarkable Captain and you have a hell of a crew. Good luck to you and your endeavours._

_Regards_

He didn't write his name. Why? It didn't matter. All Tessa could do was just stare at this letter. The letter of encouragement, empowerment, praise.

Moments later, she dropped the letter...and cried.

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Very short but hey, it's the start of the New Year!! Please R&R and hopefully things will turn out great. Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

I am writing this on the train back to Toronto...my head hurts. It took about a good 2 hours to write this, I guess I'm outta practice. It maybe also because I'm on a train. But anyway, I digress. Enjoy the second chapter of this story.

PS: Have fun...

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Three...four and a half minutes...five tops

That's how long it took for the letter to actually sink in. In the initial two minutes, Tessa felt a little good about herself. But two minutes later, that feeling was replaced by agony and helplessness. The last half minute or so was just...emptiness.

What was she suppose to make of all this? Was this letter written before the engagement...or after? Was it written by one of her own officers...or by someone else? If the person who had written this was there, would he had still written what was said in the letter? And then there was the medal. A direct representation of selflessness, courage and willpower. Any officer of any branch of military would be honored to receive such a tribute. But not Tessa. At this point in time, Tessa felt that she didn't deserve it.

She didn't deserve any of it.

Racked by an uncontrollable guilt and despair, she took the case and flung it across the room. The case made a small mark on the wall followed by the medal's soft landing on the carpet floor. She wiped the tears off of her face with her sleeves, leaving her eyes swollen red.

"_If only if that person was there," _Tessa thought to herself. _"Would he still write this?"_

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. As the door opened, a lady wearing the same coloured uniform but with sergeant stripes on, came through the door.

"Is everything all right, Captain?" the lady asked. "I heard a bump in the room."

With a bright smile and her eyes closed, Tessa replied cheerfully, "everything fine, Sergeant. I just bumped by foot on the desk and knocked something over accidently. Sorry to have worried you."

As if the Sergeant was satisfied with her response, she excused herself. "Sorry to have troubled you ma'am. Just call if you need anything." She then gave a small bow and closed the door.

Tessa was alone again. Regaining her self-composure, she looked at the medal. She got up, went over to the medal, picked it up and the case and put them carefully back inside the brown envelope. Taking the letter, she placed it in the same manner and stuffed the two into her computer bag.

Taking a heavy sigh, she took out some documents and her laptop.

"_Where was I,"_ she thought to herself. And thus she resumed her morning.

Throughout the day and for most of the evening, she tried to complete her assignments and duties. Yet with each passing hour, with the hundreds of things in her head, what was now one thing on the back-burner were now two.

"_I should have known. It was my fault. If I..."_

And...

"_Who the hell wrote that thing? And that medal? Why?"_

With an exhausting day done, she packed up everything on her desk and put it all carefully in her laptop bag. She stretched herself, held it in...and released.

But it didn't make her feel any better.

Gathering her belonging, she headed out the door and turned off the lights. The room was silent once again. Walking through the empty rooms inside of the base, she met up with some members of her crew. Some of them wore the same complexion as she did. Some even worse. But they all greeted each other with a salute and a half-a-smile. But it became apparent that the morale of the crew was seriously lacking...

Tessa dropped her stuff on the little side desk. Taking off her coat uniform, she laid down on the bed. She pondered not of assignments, reports or meetings. She pondered about the two things left on the back-burner. Normally, she would visit her friend and confidant Sergeant Melissa Mao. Or perhaps maybe the joker blond Curtis Weber. But today it seemed that it didn't really matter. All she could concentrate was her big mistake. As she led out a little yelp to let off some steam, she thought to herself.

"_I can't keep thinking about this. I gotta keep busy. Maybe if I keep myself preoccupied..." _

Suddenly, she shot up from the bed and went over to open her laptop case. She took out the envelope she found this morning. Taking the letter and the medal, she flopped down again on the bed.

"_Figuring out who wrote this would give me something to do,"_ Tessa thought to herself. Looking into the letter for clues, she found a couple:

_When I first heard of the name "Teletha Tessarosa", that name did not mean a thing to me..._

"That means he must have been a visitor of someone," she said to herself. "But is this person a member of Mithril or did someone happened to smuggle him in..."

_I thought that Mithril Intelligence made a huge error in judgment in assigning an important appointment to someone like you. But after asking around the base..._

"Asking around the base? He must have asked a number of people...but who...?"

_So I figured that I would be long gone before you returned from your current mission_

"He wasn't here that long then..."

_Captain, your courage and determination has earned my respect and admiration from both me and my men._

"A superior officer himself, eh?" Tessa said as she paced up and down her room.

As she read the letter over, she summarized that it was by someone who had recently been to the base and a superior officer in his or her own right. This person was an officer's guest and who didn't know who she was. Finally, this person had access to the room where Tessa used it as an office.

Putting the letter back into the envelope, she vowed to herself... "I'm going to find out who wrote this..." She then gave out a big yawn... "Tomorrow."

After settling into her room, she shut off the lights and went to sleep.  


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So there you go, another chapter completed. I think I'll stop for today...or not...but please R&R and tell me what you think. Oh, and happy new year to all!!


	3. Chapter 3

Okay...there's absolutely no excuse. But if you wish for an explanation, go see my profile page.

Done. It was my intention to release this chapter yesterday. (You know, seeing that it was her birthday and all). But a lot of stuff happened. I only completed this just now.

A continuation of the story. I tried my best to be as accurate of possible. However, if you see or feel the story is out of place, let me know. Okay, enough of me writing, enjoy the chapter.

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Remorse. An emotional expression of personal regret felt by a person after he or she has committed an act which they deem to be shameful, hurtful, or violent. Remorse is closely allied to guilt and self-directed resentment.

A definition like this would make clear how a person might be feeling. But for Tessa these so-called feelings of guilt and self-directed resentment were the tip of the iceberg. What she felt now would be classified as an F.U.B.R (F^&* ed up beyond repair).

So it would be natural for someone feeling these negative emotions that he or she would not have that peaceful sleep. Tessa attempted to fall asleep numerous times only to wake up anxious and scared every time. It was 1 o'clock late at night.

"_No matter what I try,"_ Tessa thought to herself, sitting on her bed while playing with her hair. A habit she became accustomed to; a sort of calming technique. Finally, she decided it would be best if she took a little walk around the base. A short one. _"Hopefully, no one will notice. I don't want that whole half-naked fiasco I had with Mr. Sagara happening again…"_ After a minute or so finding a white shirt, putting a skirt and sneakers on, she put her stuffed animal down on her bed and headed out.

Only silence greeted her as she made her way through the dark halls. At times, it seems she became disoriented and had no idea where she was going. Ten minutes of stumbling about, she grabbed hold of a wall. It seemed she started to regret her decision. Then…that feeling came. The feelings of helplessness and despair. The feeling that you could have done something but you couldn't do it so it's your fault kind of thing. The feeling that just makes you.

"…_want to die. I just…"_ Breathing heavily, she clutched her chest and knelt down. The replay of that horrible incident began…She just couldn't remember who said what or where everyone was but the only thing she knew was that it happened…

"_It was a regional dispute. The Russian government was at ends with a renegade mercenary army in Helmajistan. The two sides were no different from each other. Both wanted control and will do anything to do it. Theft, assault, extortion, threats. Even the ultimate crime…murder. On the behest of the government, we were called in to take care of the matter. Kalinin and Markduas were both called by the top brass in order to talk to them about a certain "matter". I suppose it was a secret since neither of them knew what was going on. Also, the SRT was assigned to a separate mission. It couldn't be helped. I would go into this…alone. _

_Three of my units, consisting of ten members each, were assigned. Units Three, Four and Five. All of these members ranged from their late twenties to early forties. Each of them having family somewhere in this world. I can remember…Unit Three being tough, but honest, Unit Four being strong willed and determined and Unit Five keeping a façade of levelheadedness with their reckless spirit showing in the time of battle. Kalinin and Markduas made such remarks and observations and were the ones who recommended the teams personally. _

_The mission was simple. Stop the mercenary army from receiving weaponry and supplies from various arms dealers. The entire investigation lasted two months, mostly gathering Intel from sources, spies and undercover agents within the army. We learnt that the army was scheduled to stop by a village in order to pick up some prospects there. Afterwards, the army was to rendezvous at a trade point in which they were to receive their weaponry. Then, they planned to attack two outposts near the Helmajistan capital where they would steal their supplies. Once fully loaded, God knew what they would do. _

_In order to thwart this plan, Unit Three was to sneak into the village and disarm the army prospects. Kill them, if necessary. Then, they would pose as said prospects in which they would make their way to the trade point with the other members. Meanwhile, Units Four and Five were to be on stand-by and shadow the group. Once at the trade point, Units Four and Five were to surround the army members and arms dealers and take them into custody. A simple operation. At least…I thought it would be. _

_Everything went according to plan. At 23:00, Unit Three moved into the village and disarmed the army prospects (two of them were killed.) At 24:30, army members arrived in two desert jeeps. At once, they started attacking Unit Three. The army members were armed with RPGs and automatic machine guns. Meanwhile, Unit Four and Five were attacked from behind. According to one of the unit members, they were wearing desert camo and masks so they couldn't get a clear view of who was attacking them. There was no doubt, our positions were compromised._

_I had to coordinate both counterattacks. Unit Three were to hold their positions while evacuating as much civilians as possible. At the same time, Unit Four were to provide support so that Unit Five can provide much needed cover for Unit Three. The units were twenty minutes apart. The battle lasted for an hour. When the smoke cleared, the enemy made a retreat. It seemed we had won…but we hadn't. At 25:30, we counted the losses. _

_Both sides suffered heavy casualties. Twenty army members were dead. Three to six people per unit lost their lives. In addition, only a quarter of the total civilian population survived. Later, we found out that some of the sources who provided us the Intel actually double-crossed us and relayed of positions to the army. As soon as we learnt this, we captured these sources and questioned them. When we asked what their motives were, they replied, "We had no choice…They would kill us." When we asked who, they wouldn't answer. _

_So a total of fourteen people, fourteen of whom served the same organization and were put under my direct command. And the unnecessary civilian casualties that occurred. All because…_

…_all because of my mindset that it was going to be an easy mission. Of my inability to act aggressively…because…_

_It's all my fault…I should have…it's…it's…" _

So that was it. There was to be an inquiry to explain the entire situation to the top brass of the Mithril organization. Tessa already submitted her report to Admiral Borda. But again, she would have to recall that painful memory again. Discommendation would be the least of her worries. The chances of suspension, even the relieve of her command and her expulsion from the organization seemed apparent. Her future seemed unsure.

Tessa got up, her face covered in sweat and tears. She wiped them with her shirt and started to head back into her room. The moment she entered her room, the same question that plagued her mind surfaced.

"_If he had know, would he still have given it to me?"_

Shaking it off, she took off the skirt and sneakers, grabbed an empty cup and drank a bit of tap water. It seemed to calm her down a bit. As she laid herself on her bed, clutching her stuffed animal ever so tightly with her shirt on, she laid there until the exhaustion of despair and sadness got to her and fell into a dreamless sleep. But during those final moments of consciousness, her mind wrapped again in that hopeless fact.

Her friends, her comrades, her superior officers, the innocents who had lost their lives in a meaningless battle…

She had failed them all.

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Umm...yeah that was a bit depressive hardcore. I apologize for that. But this is a trying time for her. I don't really know when I'll update this again but hopefully I'll get around to it. I don't really have to tell you what to do next. R&R.


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